Charlottenburg browsing.

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Well I’m back in Berlin waiting to make this visa happen.  I’m not gonna pretend that it is getting very annoying.  I’ve got almost all my stuff together, however in order to make it happen, I’m going to have to go without an appointment, which anyone who has dealt with the DMV knows, that that can be a terribly boring process.  I have to get there at 5 am, so I’m contemplating not sleeping Sunday night and just staying up until I get the registration done.  And I can’t get my Visa without it, so needless to say, I’m a little anxious.

I want to get back out on the road.  I want to go somewhere different.  I’m planning on Istanbul next, but until I get this Visa, I don’t know or for how long I will be going.  I have several different plans.  One for if I get the work Visa, another for if I don’t get the Visa, but I get an extension on my tourist Visa, and three if I don’t get anything and they tell me to get the hell out of Berlin.

If I get my work Visa,  I intend to travel extensively outside and within the Schengen Zone, same if I get the extension, but if I get nothing, I will be spending a lot of time in eastern Europe, northern Africa, and Ireland and England.  Either way things will be good, but anyone who knows me, knows that I tend to freak out about impending tasks that aren’t things I enjoy doing.  I tend to procrastinate and half ass things that aren’t fun to me.

Thankfully I have someone that is helping me with my visa, but even he is kind of getting on my nerves.  First the guy tells me it will cost 800 euro to help with what I need, then when I told him that is absurd and that I’ll do it for 300 tops, he was completely fine with it.  So obviously he thought he had a nice ripe apple coming his way.  Thankfully I’m not a heel and hopefully he realizes that now.

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Part of me wants to just disappear off the grid for a while.  Just pack up my stuff and leave for Turkey and from there who knows where.  Maybe hunt for Eastern European women for a while, maybe go to Asia, maybe go back to the states, only to hop a boat to Cuba and beyond.  One thing I can tell you for sure, I don’t want to work on anything that isn’t my own.  Many would think this is a dream, and they are right, but the idea of working in an office with a cubicle simply bores the living shit out of me.  People tell me, well you haven’t done it so you don’t know, and they may be right, but I never did heroin either and I’m pretty sure it isn’t for me.

Something about doing the same thing every day, with the same amount of money as payment every month, just doesn’t appeal to me.  Life is to short to me.  I don’t want to be a copywriter for some advertising agency that sells people shit they don’t need for a life they don’t really live.  My father is his own man and I intend to be the same.  My parents have owned their own business since the beginning and sure, things can be a lot more stressful, but at least they don’t waste their days working for someone else.

I dunno if it was the mundane aspect of life that just doesn’t excite me or what, but when I go home and sit with friends that I grew up with and they all talk about their jobs and their significant others and their lack of interest in really anything, it just makes me sad.  It makes me feel like I don’t have a place anymore.  Maybe that’s why I chose to take off and embark on this strange trip.

It’s an odd trip for someone like me honestly.  I’m more of a nester that anything else, but I look at it as this is a way to get out of that habit or at the very least there will be room for nesting later.  For now I want to see some things.  I don’t want to live my life never having actually lived.

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Most people I know, have no clue what they are doing with their lives, either they aren’t chasing their dreams, or worse they don’t have a dream to chase.  The latter is worse I would imagine.  What is the point of your life if your goal is to make money so that you can save money for when you are older and not able to work anymore.  I dunno who thought that was a good idea, but whoever they are are fucking evil.

People I’ve known since I was young, and when we hang out, all anyone ever talks about is work, and not anything exciting, just work, just the daily grind.

I’ve thought about hustling again, about being an outlaw and throwing caution into the wind.  It appeals to me if I’m being honest, but alas I’m a moral man and am stuck living within the code I believe in, but I gotta say, there is something great about refusing to live within the laws that mankind have established.  Their lives are shorter usually, and full of danger and terror, but at least they are living.

Kids out of college are investing in the lotto these days.  The only gamble they take is the one that will make them rich, but in truth most people who have money that I have met…excuse me all the people I’ve met with money, generally don’t have a damn clue with how to spend it.  They buy ugly houses WAY too big for their needs, they spend their evenings in roped off sections of garbage nightclubs that price gouge them on drinks.  Here’s a tip real VIP don’t pay for anything.  Because they are VIP.  If they do manage to get out of the city we grew up in, they end up moving to a city and immediately seek out the people they grew up with that have moved their as well.  So essentially not expending their world in the slighest.  If I move to a place, I don’t wanna see people from back home.  If I wanted to hang with those people, guess what, I’d still be home.

Bottom line is, I’m attempting to try and make a life for myself that allows me to move around and travel to far away places.  Something that I control and that enables me the lifestyle I want.  Money only interests me when I think about settling down, but then when I think about the term “settling down”, all I think about are kids with dreams and ambitions that grew up and gave up on those things so that they could have a safe life where struggle is at a minimum.  But in truth, the unknowing is where life is.  So I choose life.IMG_3915.JPG