The past couple of days have really hit me hard. It’s been over three months and I miss home, not in a homesick way, but in a completely alone way. I spend my days wandering around Barcelona just watching people interact and go about their lives. I look in shop windows with no intent to buy. At night I get lost in the Gothic quarter. The smell of weed and the volume of drunk British people on holiday kind of numbs me. It’s entertaining, I love Barcelona. But sometimes something so beautiful is just completely unobtainable.
You can woo her, you can pay her, you can fight for her, you can live in her, but she just isn’t yours. She’s her own. It’s a strange thing. I stop in colorful bars and have mojitos and write, but there is a distance. I dunno if it’s me (it probably is), but I feel really anonymous, on the one hand it’s led to some fantastic writing with my novel and some really great posts, but it’s a rough process. People call this a vacation, I sure as hell don’t feel on vacation. Maybe the first few days, but then life settles in and you realize, you don’t have the money to be vacationing. This is purely exploratory and for mining inspiration for my book, besides the obvious reason of just wanting to see different places.
It’s hard though. When you are isolated with your thoughts constantly. At first as a writer it feels like you hit the mother load, but as you write and write and write, it eats at you. It’s a draining feeling. By the time you are done, you want to sleep, but when you lay down you can’t catch a wink. It isn’t till the glimmer of the morning sun peaks in your window that you force yourself to go to bed.
I gotta go to Rome on Saturday. I’m really excited on the one hand, it’s getting time to move on to the next spot. Barcelona has been the best yet in my opinion, but I’m eager to move on. I can feel the bottom of that well of ideas drying up. My spoon is hitting the corners of the pudding cup.
So I’m gonna try and focus in. It’s hot…and Rome is going to be much hotter. Which I would love, if any place I’ve stayed has air conditioning, but Hank can’t even get a damn fan up in this bitch! No truthfully I’m staying at a great place, it’s just hot. No it’s not, it’s like 81, but it’s about to get really hot and without air conditioning, this is when it starts to get difficult. People in Chicago shoot the shit out of each other during times like this. Here they just sleep.
I took a bunch of pictures at the Sagrada Familia. It’s strange, it’s in a very different, much more modern part of Barcelona. It’s beautiful, unbelievable, fantastic, glorious, and just about any other word you can conjure, but there’s damn scaffolding around part of it! Let me tell you something this is not the first time that something like this has happened to me when I went to visit a place for the first time. It’s annoying but whatever. At the end of the day I don’t really go much for the old things anyways, I’m more into the new. The history is what got me here, the present is what makes it worth staying.
This place is a place I could live in. Most definitely. But I would emend that it would have to be after living in a few other places first. This is like, “Oh I lived in New York, or London, or Hong Kong or something and now I need to calm down a bit. Then you come here. It’s very much my speed. No one is in a rush, but you also see how that slows down everything, even the creative process.
It’s almost like Barcelona says to you, “Listen I’ve conquered the world in my time. Now I’m gonna hang out…maybe have a drink.”
I’ve met a few people since I’ve got here, but it hasn’t been like Berlin has. But Berlin was planned. I had shows, I was there for a month, and then after the first two weeks I decided to move there. So when you talk to someone you aren’t the person just visiting anymore, they have more of a reason to give a shit about who you are.
In Barcelona, I’m just some asshole here to take pictures of things and make a mess of the daily commute. I’m a tourist, a visitor, an outsider. But that’s okay, it’s been an opportunity none the less. The people I have met are really cool and can possibly help with getting me some shows out here when I start to book a tour.
Well that’s about it, till next time guys.