I used to think I had the world all figured out. I guess when we are young it seems that way, but in truth, the more I learn about life and the world, the more I have realized I have no clue. Every time I go to a new place or take the time to listen to someone talk with a different perspective or culture, I feel my grip loosen on knowing and uncertainty sets in.
No one ever tells you that. Our parents don’t explain this uncertainty to us. It’s a difficult thing to be at ease with. I wish there was signs to follow in life to know if we are on to something, or moving in the wrong direction. And the comedy of it is by the time we find out (I’d imagine) it’s too late. The game is at it’s end. We pass on to the great unknown and from there, well lets just say, if I don’t have much certainty on this earth, I doubt I’d have any more in the great beyond.
But we press forward. It’s all we can really do. Some choose to duck behind reality and hope that life never finds them, but in the end it finds us all. That uncertainty comes to get us. It creeps up in the darkness and shows it face and then we are lost.
So you go out into the world. You try and find your place. Try and find something that points you into the direction of faith. You travel, you date, you fuck, you sleep, you try new foods, you join a club, then you quit the club, then you plan another trip, and with every new move you gain more information. You learn more. And yet with every bit of knowledge you lose more and more grip on what you are sure of.
The world turns upside down right in front of your eyes. You begin to question what you were raised to believe, you start to sleep less. You can’t seem to stop pushing for more knowledge and the uncertainty continues to rise.
We all face these obstacles. And we all must come to terms with it. Traveling as done the most to help me with this. Making music with new people and expanding my network has helped me with this. Writing as always, has helped me with this.